I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
