is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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