dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
