yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
