Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
