I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
