when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
