I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
