I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
