help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
