He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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