Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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