And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
