I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
