I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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