Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
