If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
