you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
