Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
