I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
