Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just threw up on my dentist
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
