She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
