He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
