Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
