But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
