No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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