Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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