your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
