yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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