mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
