I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
