hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
