dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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