I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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