hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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