I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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