I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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