How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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