I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We don't watch enough power rangers
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
