Can i not drive my cunt home
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
