2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
