She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
