"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
