Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
