life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
