I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
