If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
