he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
