I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
