i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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