New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
