I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
