I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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